With My Head at His Feet

This morning I would like to speak a little about Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Deva Gosvāmī Mahārāja. Today is Puṣyā Nakṣatra in the month of Kārttika. According to the nakṣatra (constellation), this is the actual appearance day of Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, although in the calendar it is observed according to the tithi (lunar day). From someone’s nakṣatra we can get a more precise understanding of their personality. Of the twenty-seven constellations, Puṣyā is said to be the most auspicious. Along with other things, Guru Mahārāja’s horoscope also heralds an extremely exalted personality, and that was shown by his appearing in a family of Bhaṭṭācāryas in the village of Hāpāniyā, where even the ladies spoke Sanskrit.

He was from a very high brāhmaṇa family, and upon understanding who he was, Sarasvatī Ṭhākura was thinking “Why has such a high class person come to the Gauḍīya Maṭha? Maybe he has been assigned by some personalities to disrupt our mission.” At first he was a little hesitant. But quite the contrary – he was a personality who later, Sarasvatī Ṭhākura himself said that, “Now I am confident that when I leave, someone will carry on what I have come to give and establish.”

Our meeting with Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja was due to our sincere prayer to Śrīla Prabhupāda. After Prabhupāda’s disappearance, there was some confusion – and believe me, there was a lot of confusion, and that created a cloud over the whole society. I was the saṅkīrtana leader in Los Angeles at the time. We had 150 devotees going out daily, so it was a huge responsibility. Everything was centered around Śrīla Prabhupāda – everything! We didn’t hear anything but Śrīla Prabhupāda. We only read Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books. We only quoted what Prabhupāda had said. As the turmoil became more and more prominent, I simply took shelter more and more in Śrīla Prabhupāda and prayed daily to him to give us some direction.

Then our prayers were answered when we heard the direction that Śrīla Prabhupāda had given – to go to his godbrother, Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Mahārāja if there were any questions on siddhānta. That was also corroborated by our godbrother, Śrīpāda Tripurāri Swami, who was massaging Prabhupāda’s feet at the time when he actually said it. The leaders of the society knew about this instruction because Śrīla Prabhupāda had given direction to go to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja on more than one occasion. So at that time, there were certain questions arising in relationship to the duty of the guru, the position of the guru, the guru’s position in relationship to his godbrothers and godsisters, his position in relationship to disciples, to the society etc. – so many questions were coming out. Some of the older disciples of Śrīla Prabhupāda who were GBC members were going to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja and asking these questions.

Because I was in Los Angeles, which was Iskcon’s western headquarters, I heard all the answers that were coming back from Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja. Dhīra Kṛṣṇa Swami (who is now Bhakti Sudhīra Gosvāmī Mahārāja), was the temple president at the time. He was deputed to go to Navadvīpa on behalf of Rāmeśvara Mahārāja, and I was in touch with Rāmeśvara Mahārāja every day, so I had access to the answers of Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja. Also at that time, some of the GBC members were also asking questions to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja in relation to dealing with those gurus that were having difficulties, such as Jayatīrtha Prabhu, Haṁsadūta Prabhu and Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja. Hearing the clear instructions coming from Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, my faith in him was established.

Eventually, due to a series of events that manifested in Los Angeles, Kṛṣṇa arranged for me to leave there and go directly to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja in Navadvīpa. When I landed in Kolkata in late September of 1981, the first person I met was Bhakti Cāru Mahārāja. Bhakti Cāru Mahārāja and Sarvabhāvana Prabhu were both privy to what was going on in the upper echelons of the society of Iskcon and the troubles that were ensuing. At that time, they were also taking shelter of Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, and after a few days they personally took us to Navadvīpa to see him.

In that first meeting with Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, the first question I asked him was, “It is said in the Śrīmad Bhāgavatam that for the sincere disciple, the Supersoul manifests and gives him direction, so how does one go on after the disappearance of his spiritual master?” It was about four o’clock in the afternoon and Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja was sitting in his chair. He leaned forward and started explaining guru-tattva to me for about four hours. By the time he stopped speaking, the sun had gone down. Then he leaned over again and asked me, “Is that clear?”
As I said, I had only read Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books, listened to Śrīla Prabhupāda’s tapes, read his letters etc. – that had been my food and drink for ten years, day in, day out. But upon hearing Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja’s clear advice to me on the subject matter of guru-tattva, I just put my head on his feet, and never left.

To have such fortune in one’s life is very rare. Mahārāja took us in like his own. He comforted us and made sure that in every aspect of our existence, we were in good order and nothing was troubling us. He was always genuinely concerned about our welfare. He was very concerned that our diet was proper and made concessions knowing that we were used to certain things. He made sure that we were not inconvenienced in any way. Just imagine – to think who he was, and who we were!

But to try to render any service to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja was not so easy. Initially, he was even reluctant to accept a glass of water from us. In other words, he was not aspiring to take our service. From his perspective, he was giving service. He was performing what he felt to be his service to his godbrother, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Swami Prabhupāda, and to his own guru, Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura, by taking his time to rescue us from a very lamentable situation. He was very concerned that those who came under the banner of Mahāprabhu should not go away disheartened. That is the symptom of a Vaiṣṇava – that he is actually concerned. Everybody who came in contact with Guru Mahārāja felt that genuine concern from him. As he got to know us, he would naturally engage us according to our enthusiasm and according to how we responded to him – even to the point where he allowed us to give him a massage. At those times, I used to put my head on his feet and just hold them there, praying to him that I never, ever leave his association.

This is a lesson that we can all learn from – not that I am any example, but all of you have had such intimate association with Śrīla Narasiṅgha Mahārāja. Like Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, he was aiming for the ideal, but at the same time, he was compassionate to the nth degree. Such heart-warming compassion can only come from those who are connected with Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī, because She is the ocean of compassion.

Sometimes, Śrīla Śridhara Mahārāja would say certain things that would actually shock me. One day, he turned to me and said, “Rādhārāṇī is your guru” – because for him, everything was going towards Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. Everything was going in that direction. There was not one atom of his existence that did not move in that direction. That is why Sarasvatī Ṭhākura appreciated his inner mood and his receptivity to his instructions. He was like Rūpa Gosvāmī, who caught the inner mood of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu. When Mahāprabhu was dancing in front of the cart at Ratha-yātrā, He chanted one verse, and hearing that, Rūpa understood His inner feelings and composed a verse which he put in the roof of his thatched hut. When he went to take bath in the ocean, Mahāprabhu came there and found that verse. When Rūpa came back, He questioned him, “Why have you written this? How did you get this? How did you derive this understanding?”

So this is our guru-varga. We cannot imagine! We can’t fathom our good fortune to have access to those sentiments which were expressed by the Supreme Lord and were understood by Svarūpa Dāmodara and Rupa Gosvāmī. That was passed down to Rūpa Gosvāmī to Raghunātha Dāsa Gosvāmī, to Jīva Gosvāmī, to Kṛṣṇa Dāsa Kavirāja Gosvāmī, and has come down to our param-ācārya, Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura, to Sarasvatī Ṭhākura and to his disciples. All this was presented by Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja. Before the time of Mahāprabhu, Rādhārāṇī was in the background. But when She came through our line to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, Rādhārāṇī was in the forefront. She is the all-in-all. The questions that came to Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja all ended at the lotus feet of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. They were taking us in that direction.

After the disappearance of Śrīla Sarasvatī Ṭhākura there was trouble within the Gauḍīya Maṭha and various parties were formed. Certain positions had been taken up by personalities who were very dear friends of Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, and when they became disorientated from the line of Sarasvatī Ṭhākura, Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja was greatly disturbed. We actually cannot imagine how disturbed he was. Then he came to Vṛndāvana with the object of retiring. He first went to Govardhana and came to Govinda Kuṇḍa, the place where he felt one would become free from all offences, like the offence that Indra had perpetrated upon all the vraja-vāsīs. There Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja took one govardhana-śilā, then he went to Uddhava Kyārī, where Uddhava came from Dvārakā to bring news of Dvārakā-Kṛṣṇa to the vraja-gopīs and Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. The gopīs weren’t interested in a Kṛṣṇa who did not carry a flute and was not a cowherd boy. They weren’t interested in the kingly aspect of Kṛṣṇa. Their heart was for that beautiful young cowherd boy and His līlā in Vṛndāvana. There at Uddhava Kyārī, Rādhārāṇī exhibited an ecstatic mood talking with a black Bumblebee. Sometimes we see those types of bees flying around here in Vṛndāvana. Here in the āśrama, we have this one Bumblebee who always comes just around midday for the ārati. He comes on the altar and he’s checking out the different flowers. The atmosphere in Vṛndāvana is so dynamic that we are always reminded of these types of things here. Everything here can remind us of Kṛṣṇa and His pastimes – the mongooses, the monkeys, the peacocks, the bumblebees, the trees, the cows. Everything here transports you into Kṛṣṇa’s home. Vṛndāvana is the place that Śrīla Prabhupāda wanted us to feel at home. He said, “Vṛndāvana is my home. Māyāpura is my place of worship, Bombay is my office.” But Vṛndāvana was his home – home sweet home. And Rādhā-Dāmodara was his place of internal bhajana at the feet of Śrī Rūpa Gosvāmī, and your Guru Mahārāja, Narasiṅgha Mahārāja, has his seat there. Who can understand how fortunate you all are?

So when Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja was in Uddhava Kyārī, he was making a decision. There were three places where he was contemplating on doing his bhajana. One was Uddhava Kyārī in Vraja, one was the Gambhīra in Purī (because of Mahāprabhu’s deep sentiments that were expressed there in the company of Gadādhara Paṇḍita, Rāmānanda Rāya and Svarūpa Dāmodara), and the other was Navadvīpa. After deep consideration, he decided upon Navadvīpa. His idea was to retire from the external preaching world and take up a life of bhajana on the banks of the Gaṅgā. But before he did that, he went to Ekacakra and approached the Deity of Nitāi. Upon offering his obeisances to the Deity of Nityānanda, a deep impression came within him. That impression was not to go out and preach, but at the same time, not to turn anyone away who came to him for instruction and advice. His position was the middle road. And by God, are we lucky! We are so fortunate that he took that position, because where would we be today?

When he came to Navadvīpa, he chose the place known as Gupta Govardhana. Why did he stay in such a place? We should think about this carefully. Firstly, due to his attachment to Govardhana and the pastimes at Govardhana, Secondly, because in our sampradāya, our place is there. In his final days, Śrīla Prabhupāda wanted to go on parikramā of Govardhana. And third, that place is known as Aparādha Bhañjana Pāṭa – anyone who came there would become free of all offences, and by doing so, would be able to benefit from his association. Of course, he himself wasn’t thinking like that – he was humbly thinking of his own position. But for us, that is the reality. That he took up such a position is our fortune, and that’s the position he held all along.

Because of his tremendous dedication to the feet of Sarasvatī Ṭhākura, his words were appreciated by all his illustrious godbrothers. So much so that Śrīla Prabhupāda said, “He is my śikṣā-guru.” So this is our line, and this is the line of Narasiṅgha Mahārāja, without a doubt. So we should do whatever it takes to stay in that line, and take whatever association that encourages us to remain there.

So I will end here today. I just wanted to say a few words. Please forgive me for any offences that I may have made to any of you in this endeavour.

• The True Spirit of Separation by Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī
• Śrīla Swami Mahārāja Attains the Dust of Vraja by Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī
• The Disappearance of Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja by Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Purī Gosvāmī
• Who is Qualified to Succeed the Ācārya? by Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Deva Gosvāmī
• Śrīla Sarasvatī Ṭhākura’s Disappearance Day by Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Deva Gosvāmī
• His Last Instructions by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• The Prākṛta and Aprākṛta-līlā of Śrī Guru by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• Śrīla Prabhupāda’s Antya-līlā by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• Śrīla Sarasvatī Ṭhākura’s Disappearance Day by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• Śrī Jagannātha Deva Shook the Heaven and the Earth by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• After the Disappearance of Śrī Guru by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• Our Most Humble Koṭi Koṭi Koṭi Daṇḍavat Praṇāms by Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja
• A Nourishing and Compassionate Nature by Śrīla Bhakti Kiśora Araṇya Mahārāja
• The Compassionate Nature of Śrī Guru by Śrīla Bhakti Kiśora Araṇya Mahārāja
• Hope For The Hopeless by Śrīla Bhakti Kiśora Araṇya Mahārāja
• With My Head at His Feet by Śrīla Bhakti Kiśora Araṇya Mahārāja
• The Disappearance of Śrīla Bhakti Gaurava Narasiṅgha Mahārāja by Swami B.V. Giri

• Śrī Acyutānanda’s Departure by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• Sādhu Śikṣā (Holy Teachings) by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• Recognising a Pure Vaiṣṇava by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• The Natural and Marginal Characteristics of a Vaiṣṇava by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• The Nature of a Vaiṣṇava by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• Following in the footsteps of the previous ācāryas by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• Deliberation on the Methodology of Sādhu-saṅga by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura
• The Association of Sādhus by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura